1. You’re my Friend

2. I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are sad...

3. I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you. When you are blue…

4. I will rag you about it every chance I get. When you are scared, ...

5. I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining. When you are worried...

6. I will use little words to explain it to your dumb ass. When you are confused... When you are sick… stay away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

7. I'll know you finally got laid. When you smile...

8. I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass. This is my oath; I pledge 'till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend! When you fall, ...