Truth And Consequences Getting Solutions V4 20110909.C.

IUPUISchool ofNursingModuleMaterialsTruth and Consequences:Getting to SolutionsAugust 15, 2011© 2011 Kathleen Paris, Station 1, Inc. ~ & ~ Ann Zanzig, AZ Consultants, LLC Table of Contents Overall Objective and Learner Outcomes3 Expectations4 Agenda5 Ground Rules6 What is Conflict?7 School of Nursing Core Values7 Costs of Not Being Able to Resolve Conflict Effectively8 Biological Effects of Conflict9-10 What Does This Mean for Conflict Resolution?11 quot;
Speak for Yourselfquot;
ala The Clover Practice™12 Breathing Deeply13 Steps to Mediation14-17 What's the Difference Between Position and Interest?18 Bullying vs. Conflict18 Dialogue vs. Discussion18-19 Preventing Conflict20-21 Additional Resources22 ,[object Object]

ExpectationsWhat do you personally hope to get out of this workshop?Discuss at your table.Be ready to share common themes.AgendaTruth and Consequences: Getting To SolutionsSchool of Nursing, University of IndianaParticipant AgendaAugust 15, 20118:30 a.m.Coffee, rolls, mingle and settle inIntroductions/Ground rules/OverviewThe Effects of Conflict and/or Avoiding ConflictBreakYour Style: Managing Interpersonal Conflict and Tension“Speak for Yourself” ala The Clover Practice™NoonLunch (30 minutes)Steps To MediationBreakPreventing ConflictMaking My CommitmentWrap-Up/Close2:00 p.m.Adjourn ,[object Object],What is Conflict?Conflict may be defined asa difference of wants, needs, or expectations.What are some other definitions of conflict? School of Nursing Core ValuesRespectWe create a positive environment by treating all people with mutual respect and sensitivity, recognizing the importance of their contributions and diversity. ResponsibilityWe accept responsibility for our actions. TrustWe foster trust by acting with honesty, integrity, and openness.DialogueWe build community through dialogue by sharing and respecting our diversity of opinions, views, and expertise. What goes into successful conflict resolution?BiologySelf-AwarenessSelf-ControlPersonal ResponsibilitySkills of quot;
Speaking for Yourselfquot;
Reinforcement from Others Costs of Not Being Able to Resolve Conflict Effectively ,[object Object],Biological Effect of ConflictCONFLICT = STRESS ,[object Object],What typically happens under stress?AdrenalineCortisolBreathingHeart rateBlood flowMusclesAwareness of painField of visionSense of humor ,[object Object],What Does This Mean for Conflict Resolution? ,[object Object]

Describe the behavior using specific, concrete language—what you saw, heard, noticed, or felt. (non-judgmental—not assuming you know other people’s motives or thoughts—and without labeling the person or name-calling).Tell " your story" -- what it means from your perspective, including impact.Ask for the other person’s story (if applicable).Say what you want to happen.Offer what you will do to make it work (if applicable).Ask for cooperation. You are a co-author on a paper with two other people. You and your colleague P.J. have done virtually all of the work, but the third person still wants and expects to be listed as an author. You don’t think the third person has done his/her share. What would you say to that person if you are Speaking for Yourself?You are a department chair. You overhear a colleague in the hallway “bad mouthing” the new curriculum being developed in the department. The odd thing is that you just got out of a meeting to discuss the new curriculum. When you had asked if there were any questions, this individual said nothing. Would you say something to that individual? Why or why not? If you decided to speak up, what would you say if you are Speaking for Yourself?You are on the Provost's staff and were told that you would be moving into the nice office with windows when the person who had had it for many years retired. Suddenly someone else in your group, Pat Smith, has moved into the office that was supposed to be yours. What could you say to the Provost if you are Speaking for Yourself?You are responsible for creating quarterly reports for your research project. Everyone on the project team provides you the information you need one week prior to the deadline except Chris Jones. This is stressful because the prompt submission of reports is a condition of funding. You just received an Email from Chris indicating that his/her section would be late. What could you say to Chris if you are Speaking for Yourself?You are a member of a university committee that meets monthly. One individual continually interrupts others while they are speaking. The chair seems to ignore the behavior. At one meeting, this person interrupts you three times. After the third time, you are exceedingly upset, given that you feel the issue under discussion is particularly important. What would you say if you were Speaking for Yourself?You chair a committee that has developed an action plan in the spring semester that you thought everyone was "on board with." Now it's time to implement in the fall semester, but half of the group is backing down or undermining the decisions made by the group. What do you say if you are Speaking for Yourself?quot;
Ala The Clover Practice™What could you say in the following scenariosto achieve the change you are looking for? ,[object Object],Preparing for the Conversation to Address a Conflict quot;
ala The Clover Practice™What I will say1. Describe what happened in concrete terms (no value judgment, just the facts) 1.2. Tell your story--what you make of it, how it affects you, how it makes you feel2.3. Ask for the other person's story 3.4. Say what you want to happen4.5. Offer what you will do to make it work 5. 6. Ask for cooperation6. Steps to Mediation Overview of Mediation Process Role of the Mediator The mediator is an impartial third person whose role is to help people involved in a dispute, communicate with one another, understand each other’s point of view, and reach an agreement that resolves their conflict.The mediator is not a judge, counselor, or advisor; the mediator helps the disputants evaluate the situation, understand how they feel about what has occurred, and focus on the future. The most difficult and most important lesson for mediator to learn is to remain impartial and non-judgmental. Mediator should have profound respect for participants’ courage to address conflict. You help them understand their realities. ,[object Object]

Pre-negotiation Identify needs and concerns facing each person involved in dispute Clarify goals/desired outcomes of the mediation process Be sure all understand your role as a mediator in this situation Opportunity to build relationship with parties and trust in processHelps you form an agendaMediation SessionOpening statement Set the tone for the conversation Establish “ground rules” for the processClarify what is going to happen in the meeting Ground rules: Listen, understand Try not to interrupt Agree on expectations regarding confidentiality Understanding the conflict Each disputant shares perspective on the conflict, beginning with initiatorBegin by addressing the mediator; other listensMediator asks clarifying questions, takes notesAfter each describes issues to mediator, they each repeat to each other understanding of issues (demonstrating to each other “I get where you’re coming from)Listen to ideas and feelings.Take notes.I would like to hear your view/perspective of the situation.Help me understand….I’m confused…Describe to each other what you’re hearing…Working it out (problem solving)Identify issues agendaTake one issue at a timeStart with a common concern that is a bite-able biteBrainstorm several optionsEvaluate options Seek agreement on options; search for common groundManage impasses with patience and respectSet aside the issue and “name the impasse” Review definition of problem Reiterate “ground rules” Consider structured break Capture issues on flipchartThese are the issues as I hear themAre there other issues? ,[object Object]

Sample Opening StatementThank you for meeting today. I commend you for taking the time and having the courage to get together to discuss these issues. My role is to help you to clarify your issues and concerns, to help you understand each other’s perspectives, and to explore solutions that will work best for you. My role is not to judge or advise.I ask that you observe a few basic ground rules for our discussion. Please listen carefully and respectfully to each other. Try to stay focused on the issues and avoid personal criticism.We need to honor confidentiality and agree that our discussion will go no further that this room. Are these acceptable? Others? We’ll begin with ______, as the person who initiated our discussion to give us her perspective, speaking directly to me. Miscellaneous notes/tips“Appreciative Mediator” – can validate issues and strengths at once. Use appreciate inquiry to shift to positive focus. What’s working well?If we can work to understand the true threat (issues) and develop strategies (solutions) that manage it (agreement), we are acting constructively to manage the conflict. Fear is most common emotion in these discussions – important to find gentle place to uncover issues and feelingsWhen discussion gets emotional, acknowledge that; validate passion for an issue. I can see that you feel strongly about this issue. Help me understand why you care about this issue. Help me understand why you feel frustrated. I remind you that you made a commitment to act in a civil wayIt’s important that you be honest with each other.Tell us about an experience you’ve had that has led you to this place. Position vs. Interest ,[object Object]

Ask questions to get at underlying interests. ("Why do we need to end by that date? What are you hoping to achieve?")Bullying vs. ConflictBullying Is:Imbalance of Power: People who bully use their power to control or harm and the people being bullied may have a hard time defending themselves.Intent to Cause Harm:Actions done by accident are not bullying; the person bullying has a goal to cause harm.Repetition: Incidents of bullying happen to the same the person over and over by the same person or group. stopbullying.govBullying = harassment = a performance issue = legal and financial ramifications Dialogue vs. Discussion quot;
Dialogue is not discussion, a word that shares its root meaning with quot;
percussionquot;
and quot;
concussion,quot;
both of which involve breaking things up. Nor is it debate. quot;
...Suspension of thoughts, impulses, judgments, etc., lies at the very heart of Dialogue. It is one of its most important new aspects. It is not easily grasped because the activity is both unfamiliar and subtle. Suspension involves attention, listening and looking and is essential to exploration. ...the actual process of exploration takes place during listening -- not only to others but to oneself. Suspension involves exposing your reactions, impulses, feelings and opinions in such a way that they can be seen and felt within your own psyche and also be reflected back by others in the group. It does not mean repressing or suppressing or, even, postponing them. It means, simply, giving them your serious attention so that their structures can be noticed while they are actually taking place.quot;
 HYPERLINK quot;
http://www.david-bohm.net/dialogue/dialogue_proposal.htmlquot;
From Dialogue - A proposal By David Bohm, Donald Factor and Peter Garrett In what situations in the School of Nursing can you imagine that a true dialogue would be helpful? Phrases that Open Doors1. Would you be willing to consider...?2. Would you consider...?3. May I make a suggestion...?4. I think you and I have different views of _____________, but may I tell you why I feel the way I do?5. I am worried about quot;
Xquot;
and would like to tell you about it.6. I am concerned that if we do quot;
Xquot;
we are going to have problems with quot;
Yquot;
. Could we talk about it?7. Something has been keeping me awake nights and I would like to talk with you about it.8. It looks to me like ____________________________________________________________________9. It seems like this is what is happening:____________________________________________________10. This is how I am interpreting the situation: _______________________________________________11. I am sorry.12. I hope you will accept my apology.13. May I have a quot;
do-overquot;
on that?14. May I rewind and erase what I just said?15. What would make this more acceptable to you? Preventing ConflictPreventing unnecessary conflict is well worth doing.Looking back at the scenarios on p. 12,what might have been done to prevent them? 1. Authoring Rights2. Meeting in the Hall3. Office Space Promise4. Missed Deadline5. Interrupter6. Belated Objections You will reduce the amount of conflict in your life if you refrain from addressing conflict by Email.Pick up the phone, Skype, or talk face-to-face when there's a problem.As IUSON takes on new challenges and vision, and I find myself in interpersonal conflicts,I commit to...... ,[object Object],AdditionalResources Ferguson, D. (1998). Reptiles in Love: Ending destructive fights and evolving toward more loving relationships. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. New York: Bantam Books. Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Full catastrophic living: Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. New York: Dell. Pagano, B. and Pagano, E. (2004). The transparency edge: How credibility can make or break you in business. Chicago: McGraw-Hill. Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. and Switsler, A. (2005). Crucial confrontations: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. New York: McGraw-Hill. Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R. and Switsler, A. (2002). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high. Chicago: McGraw-Hill. Perlow, L. and Williams, S. (May 2003). Is silence killing your company? Harvard Business Review, pp. 52-58. Ryan, Kathleen and Oestreich, Daniel. (1996).The courageous messenger: How to successfully speak up at work. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Orientation Inventory http://www.kilmann.com/conflict.html accessed August 8, 2011. Ury, W. and Patton, B. (1981). Getting to yes: Negotiating agreement without giving in. New York: Penguin Books. Webne-Behrman, H. Conflict resolution http://www.ohrd.wisc.edu/onlinetraining/resolution/index.asp, accessed August 5, 2011. Kathleen A. Paris, Ph.D.kathleen@kathleenparis.comkathleenparis.comPhone: 608-445-1085Ann E. ZanzigAZ Consultants, LLCaezanzig@wisc.edu Phone: 608-278-1288

Truth And Consequences Getting Solutions V4 20110909.C.

Truth And Consequences Getting Solutions V4 20110909.C.

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