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1. Assertive
Communication
Part 1- Assess your
communication style
Part 4- Scenarios to
practice
Part 2- Key principlesPart 3- 6 assertive
communication tips
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2. What does best describe your communication style?
Count the stars below and write down the total.
2Part 1- Assess your communication style
* Can’t speak up
* Don’t know my rights
* Get stepped on, meek
* Too accommodating, appeasing
* Talks softly, no eye contact
* Gives “cold fish” handshakes
* Don’t stand up for my rights, sulking
* Avoid conflicts, submissive, flight
* People take advantage of me
* Trouble saying “no,” then I’m resentful
Passive Assertive Aggressive

3. What does best describe your communication style?
Count the stars below and write down the total.
3Part 1- Assess your communication style
* Direct
* Honest
* Respect rights of others
* Recognize the importance of having my
needs & rights respected
* Confident
* Realize I have choices
* Effective communicator
* Can express my needs
* Make good eye contact
* Speak with firm voice
Passive Assertive Aggressive

4. What does best describe your communication style?
Count the stars below and write down the total.
4Part 1- Assess your communication style
* Violate others’ rights using
power, position & language
* Pushy, dominating
* Intimidating, blaming
* Must get my way
* React instantly, fight
* Can be abusive,
talking down
* Vise-like handshake
* Out of control emotion
* Don’t care where or when
I “blast” someone
Passive Assertive Aggressive

5. What about passive aggressiveness?
5Part 1- Assess your communication style
* Fight-Flight pattern.
* Either respecting ONLY your rights OR other’s
rights.
* Not addressing the problem or behavior.
* Talking about people behind their
back/Gossip
* Fluctuating between violating others’
boundaries or having your boundaries violated.
Assertive AggressivePassive

6. What is your communication style? Report totals in a graph
Remember: All styles have their proper place and use.
Assertive communication is the healthiest.
6Part 1- Assess your communication style
Passive
Assertive
Aggressive
0
10
10
10

7. Practice, flexibility,
skills, retreat and
retry
7Part 2- Key principles
* Assertive communication takes practice.
* Flexibility: Match your style of communication to the situation/person you
are communicating with.
* Skill, not personality: Communication styles are skills, not personality
styles. You can lear to become more assertive.
* Retreat, think, return: Take a break from the conversation. Relax/rethink
and then try again.

8. Remember the 3C
8Part 2- Key principles
* Confidence: state facts, step up to the challenge
* Clarity: easy to understand, clearly articulated
* Control: monitor your emotions, stay composed, repeat the same
message until understood (broken record)

9. 9Part 2- Key principles
Typical obstacles to an
assertive communication
External
* Other participants are aggressive
and dominating
* Lack of facilitator or team
leadership
Internal
* Do not like conflict
* I will make enemies if I speak my mind
* It is more important that people like me
* It is wrong to disagree
* I do not really care, I do not measure up
Recognize the challenges you are facing and apply the 3C
model: gain confidence, speak clearly, control yourself

10. Click on the screen

11. #1 Use polite words
10Part 3- 6 assertive communication tips
* Call a person by their name
* Use humor: it breaks down
negative emotions and will put
tense situations at ease
* Use appropriate words:
“excuse me”
“thank you”
“I appreciate it”
Try to watch the following
short clip without laughing:

12. 6 assertive communication Tips
11Part 3- 6 assertive communication tips
#2 Begin you sentences with "I" instead of "you"
* Using “you” puts the other person on the defensive
* Prefer "I":
“I think…”
“I noticed…”
“I didn’t like…”
“I am concerned about…”

13. 6 assertive communication Tips
12Part 3- 6 assertive communication tips
#3 Say what you want, stay objective (not subjective), use
metrics to substantiate your arguments
* Don’t leave the other person in the dark
* Show initiative
* Present facts and data, not opinions and interpretations
* Always get the facts right before you pass judgment
* Let the person know your goal or possible solution
* Handle the gossip by addressing the gossip (de-triangulation). How?
connect the two individuals who share the issue.
* e.g.: “I heard that John complained about Rick.” => “Have you checked
with John about this? Has he talked to Rick about it?

14. 6 assertive
communication Tips
13Part 3- 6 assertive communication tips
#4 Criticize the behavior, not the person
* Don’t put the person down
* Focus on their behavior when
communicating
* Instead of ”You’r too slow!” say “I don’t
think you are doing your share of the work.”
* Look at the person in the eyes

15. 6 assertive communication Tips
14Part 3- 6 assertive communication tips
#5 Repeat the problem back, articulate the issues
* Keep on track
* If other topics are introduced. Repeat the problem back
* This indicates that you want to solve the original problem first
* You can talk about other problems later
* Stay focused on the issue – do not get distracted, defensive, or start justifying
yourself
* Get group validation

16. #6 Make commitments where appropriate
15Part 3- 6 assertive communication tips
* For example:
Who’s going to do what?
Who takes the lead?
When are they going to do it?
* Everyone needs a clear understanding:
Answer: who, what, when, where, how much, how many
* Display strength and courage, and step up to the challenge
* Own the results, the risks like the failure. Be honest about it.

17. Communication scenario 1: individual practice
16Part 4- 3 scenarios to practice
Choose a situation, meeting, conversation which you experienced.
1) Which obstacles did you face? Write down and detail with key words
2) How do you apply each of the 6 tips to grow your assertiveness
3) What will you change to get better prepared to face the same situation
next time?
4) When is the next similar situation you will face? How do you get ready

18. Communication scenario 2: role model
17Part 4- 3 scenarios to practice
Select a co-worker, boss, friend, who is very assertive and in control
of his/her communication?
1) Write down his/her name and the specific situations when he/she
expresses assertiveness?
2) What were you impressed with?
3) What got in the way of assertive communications? How did he/she
handle the situation?
4) What do you personally learn from this?
5) Do you know this person well enough to ask for feedback and coach you
to better performance?

19. Communication scenario 3: team role-play
18Part 4- 3 scenarios to practice
In pairs, practice assertive communication in the following scenario:
* Person 1 (you) initiates assertive communication, person 2 responds (your
friend):
* One of your employees (person 2) has performed poorly during the last
project.
* Give him feedback and agree on a performance improvement plan using
assertive communication skills: 20 minutes
* Close the exercise with a debrief discussion between both persons: what
went well? How was this perceived by person 2? How could person 1 be
even more assertive?
* Redo 20 min exercise and debrief with switched roles

20. 194 Magic Phrases You Can Use to Respond to
anything
Source: www.powerdiversity.com

21. 20In summary

22. Assertive communication is about:
21In summary
* Protecting your rights without violating the rights of others
* To communicate with respect and to understand each other
* To find a solution to the problem.
* To take risk with others in the short run, but in the long run, relationships
grow much stronger.
How?
* Prepare, practice, debrief
* Maintain eye contact, listen and validate others
* Confidence, clear, control, broken record
* Polite but persistent, "I"-statements, use objective facts, criticize with
style, articulate problems, get group validation, make commitment

23. Click on the screen

24. * wikipedia.com
* Psychotherapeutic materials: Johnson, James “Jamie” Arthur, M.A. (former
LPC). (1999-2004).
* I-statements: Johnson, James “Jamie” Arthur, M.A. (former LPC). (2002). “I-
Statements Exercise”. * "Developing Positive Assertiveness" training presented
by Marisa Geisser and Michelle Grilli and indirectly from the sources thereof:
* CRM Learning (2008). Being Assertive (DVD). http://www.crmlearning.com
* DiBlasio, Frederick A., PhD. University of Maryland School of Social Work.
* Triangulation: McGoldrick, Monica. (2008). Genograms: Assessment and
Intervention. W. W. Norton & Company
* http://beacondeacon.com/ichthus/personal/WhatDoYouExpect.htm.
* www.mayoclinic.com/health/assertive
* www.mindtools.com › Communication Skills
* stress.about.com
* www.wikihow.com/Communicate-in-an-Assertive-Manner
* www.speakeasy.org/~keson/assert.html
* www.ehow.com/assertive-communication-in-relationships
* hkpsychotherapy.org
Sources and References 22

25. Click on "Open speaker notes" in the menu
located at the bottom-left of this screen:
Slide Transcripts 23
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