This document provides tips for pretending to know soccer in order to not look like an idiot at a World Cup party. It outlines basic rules like using feet and head but not hands, and having 11 players per team. Key phrases are recommended to use, such as "Cross it!" when a player is at the sideline, and commenting that a play may have been "offsides." Famous soccer player Lionel Messi is suggested to use as a comparison if another player screws up. The term "Joga bonito" is also defined.

1. How to pretend you know soccer.
Useful tips for going to a World Cup party and not looking like an idiot.
By: Devesh Khanal
deveshdesign.com/blog

2. Here’s the problem…

3. You were invited to a World Cup party
We’re here to help.

4. You were invited to a World Cup party
But you have no idea how soccer works
We’re here to help.

5. Like this girl
We’re here to help.

6. Like this girl
We’re here to help.
God,

7. when

8. will

9. this

10. end?

11. We’re here to help.

12. How to Watch the World Cup
(And not look like an idiot)

13. 1. The Field
Memorize this.

14. 11 players per team

15. Try to kick the ball in the other team’s goal

16. Don’t kick it out of bounds
(or the other team gets it)

17. 1. The Rules
Not all, just enough to get by.

18. You can kick it.

19. Or use your head.

20. Just not your hands.

21. Just not your hands.
Cute. But not legal.

22. Except the goalie

23. Only 1 per team

24. 2. Your Phrases
This is the part you’ve been waiting for…

25. Say these things to sound like you
know what you’re talking about.

26. 1. “Cross it!”

27. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they
happen in front of the goal.

28. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
So when a player brings the ball up the
sideline, yell “Cross it!”.
Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they
happen in front of the goal.

29. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
So when a player brings the ball up the
sideline, yell “Cross it!”.
Good things don’t happen on the sideline, they
happen in front of the goal.
99% of the time you’ll be
right and you’ll like a pro.

30. 2. “That might’ve been offsides”

31. If your teammate passes it to you, you can’t
be closer to their goal than everyone else
(non-goalie players) on their team.
!
This is called being “offsides.”

32. Everyone loves to complain about
bad offsides calls.

33. Here’s the thing: It’s always close.

34. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
Close

35. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”

36. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
99% of the time you’ll be right.
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”

37. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
99% of the time you’ll be right.
Lively discussion will ensue.
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”

38. “He should’ve crossed it!”
“Cross it!”
“Cross the damn ball!”
99% of the time you’ll be right.
Lively discussion will ensue.
Discuss.
So just say “Hmm…that looked awfully close to
offsides there….”

39. 2. “Man, if Messi had that chance…”

40. Lionel Messi is the Lebron of soccer
right now.

41. If some other guy screws up, compare
the screw up to Messi.

42. 99% of the time you’ll be right. Messi
could have done it better.

43. 3. “Joga bonito”

44. Joga bonito means “beautiful game” in
Portuguese and is something Pele, a
soccer legend said.

45. Use it when someone makes a great play.

46. Warning
This is an advanced maneuver and
used incorrectly can make you look
like a poser.

47. In fact, even when used correctly it
can make you look like a poser.

48. So guage the audience carefully.

49. You’re looking for this crowd.

50. But from any country.

51. 4. “Futbol…oops, I meant soccer”

52. The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.

53. The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.
Let that accidentally slip from your mouth.

54. The rest of the world calls it “futbol” or “football”.
Let that accidentally slip from your mouth.
And see what happens.

55. Good luck.
Learn how to make great presentations at
deveshdesign.com/blog
!
Twitter: @deveshkhanal
Mail: devesh@deveshdesign.com

56. Photo Credits
Football party: flickr.com/boltron/
FC stadium shot: flickr.com/photos/phirue/
Kid kicking: flickr.com/photos/celinesphotographer/
Ball in face: flickr.com/photos/zachstern/
Kid hands: flickr.com/photos/chipgriffin/
Goalie: flickr.com/photos/vegaseddie
Cross: flickr.com/photos/radimersky/
Messi: flickr.com/photos/krister462/
Brazil fans: flickr.com/photos/peterfuchs
Country colors: flickr.com/photos/franzlife/